It's not really a breakup

with the Pacific Northwest that is. I said "I quit you West Coast," but it's only for a short time. I need to come home and fill up. I need to come home and be with friends and family for Thanksgiving, and my birthday and Christmas. I just need to re-center and remember and then come back.

I know that I go back and forth on so many things and ideas and plans. I just work things out in my mind by saying them out loud. That's why I like Ansel Sanger- he gets that. So to everyone who has heard some or all or parts of my planning, I'm sorry if I've exhausted you with random ideas and future projections.

Bellingham-the INN- Bellingham jobs- Children of the Nations, Seattle- Bellingham jobs-
Seattle jobs- No jobs- No car- Car=job - Car, Seattle? - Car- Chattanooga? -
No car= bum around - place to live? - Seattle in January - job/car to get to Seattle in January? - Move in with parents? - job? - car?
- Seattle?

This web of a mess of questions is always rolling around in my head. What do you do when plans don't work out? I have nothing here. No car to get to a job, no professional clothes to even interview, only a temporary place to stay, and no furniture even if I did have a place of my own. But I'm supposed to be out here. I know it.

So I bought a ticket home for the holidays. I'll be home in 7 days. How am I going to get around? I don't know. Where will I work? I don't know. How will I get back here? Probably a plane ticket with my birthday money unless by the grace of God I end up with a car, and then I'll drive out West. (What an adventure that will be!!) I basically have no answers, but I know that I have to get back here. Something will turn up out here. Something is in the works behind the scenes.

Ok God, I'm trusting you to turn my best laid plans into something great because right now, they're a mess.

Mercy. That's what I want for Christmas. (And a car.) I want my friends and family to try to understand that this is it for me. This journey that I'm on is worth it to me. If it doesn't make sense or seems irrational and irresponsible, know that I'm doing the best I can.

Yes, I'm in debt. When a job comes through out here though, I won't be anymore. I want to pay things off. I want to start fresh. But since my senior year of college, the economy has been terrible. It would have been great to have had a good paying job right out of college and be on my way to debt-free already, but I've taken the jobs that have come. Even if it's not apparent, know that my mind and heart are working hard to figure out a life for myself. Also, let's put our faith in God that he will see this through.

Now I feel like I'm writing an apology for my life and my decisions. And I've felt like I need to do that since I got out here. But this life is my own. I decided to come home for the holidays, and it's in my plan to get back out here as soon as possible. Before January 1. New Years. It's a must. My heart says so.

I'm excited to be coming home for the holidays, but I'm greatly anticipating my return to Seattle. Cheers Chattanooga, Fayetteville, and the Pacific Northwest.

See you soon friends.