"I wish I was in the land of cotton...

Old times they are not forgotten
Look away, look away,
look away, Dixie Land..."

Megan sang that song at the beginning of the DVD she made for me when I left. As I remember it, I almost cry (again). I do miss Tennessee. I left a lot of loose ends and a lot of things unsaid. In one way, I left bravely: I came to Washington with very little to my name, I left everything I knew, I was determined to find work and to make friends. I jumped in head first. On the other hand, I chose not to face some things that I knew were important. There were things I should have said to both of my parents. I should have said some things to my sister. I should have dealt with divorce and death out loud instead of in my head, 2000 miles away.

The time I've spent here thus far has been valuable. I've been able to process with a lot of time and a lot of freedom. I have lacked community though. I know some people, but I haven't developed deep relationships here yet. Without a car to get around at night (when the 20-something year olds hang out) I'm left on my own much of the time. After being by myself for long periods of time, it becomes harder and harder to function in groups. I end up feeling super awkward. So I've got a lot going on in my head about life, death, my faith, etc. and not a lot of opportunity to cry on a shoulder that feels familiar, one that knows me.

I will develop those relationships, but they come with time. Right now, I need a community that will help me to remember where I've come from and what God has done in my life. I can't wait to have those kinds of relationships here with staff and co-interns, but the things I'm dealing with right now are things from home, and I want to be known. When the students come back for school, when the internship actually starts, life will be on again. I will be busy, and I'll be probably overwhelmed with opportunities to connect with people. That will be awesome.

Until then, I'm going to breathe Tennessee air. I'm going to say some things I should have said before, and I'm going to sit on a front porch in Chattanooga wasting my nights with friends I love so dearly. I'll come back refreshed, and I'll jump back in.