The Rainy Season

In three days I'll be in Bellingham, Washington! I remember looking at pictures before I interviewed there one afternoon and almost coming to tears thinking about how good God is and must be. The past few weeks have been a series of ups and downs, tears and laughter, a lot of questions and not so many answers.

This is the one response that has calmed my heart though: God is still in control. He is too wonderful for me to understand, but I think he delights in my search for Him. He has said, "Be still, and know that I am God." It's hard to be still, and even harder to trust faithfully when I'm moving about so much mentally. So yes, I still question. I still wonder, and I still doubt. BUT, He holds me in his hands. I am safe with Him. I'm safe from my doubts, from my weakness, and ultimately from who I was. Praise God!


This season in my life was unexpected, but this season is for growth and renewal. Even when I don't feel like worshiping, when I don't feel like He's near... I do trust in Him. If I can't love the way I want to or be "in the moment" with Him, I still lift my eyes to Heaven and lift my heart to Him.

Obedience in the storm. Hope for a brighter tomorrow. Peace in his Love.
Amen.

"To the pure, all things are pure"

says John Milton.

I want to be pure then. It's so hard to make sense of God's goodness in the midst of death. My dear friend Katie is gone, as is Kyle. It's been two weeks of sadness. For those around me, and even for myself, I'm searching for the words to say that might alleviate some of the hurt for now. I'm searching for words that bring peace. I know that Peace is Christ alone.

I want to see the deaths of those I knew and loved and the pain of those around me as something pure, as something purely good. I want to believe that God's goodness is still on the throne, and I know that it is. My human, broken mind and heart cannot understand though. Why Katie? Why now? Was this your plan for her, Lord? If your plan for her was different, then why did she still die? And why Laurren? Why does she have to suffer so much? Why Kyle? How does your knowing that his life would end so quickly mean that you are Good to let him go?


I only trust and have utmost faith that You Are Good, Father. I do not understand your Goodness. It is beyond my comprehension, but You are too wonderful for me. On this earth, I will never fully grasp the mystery and mercy of the cross, but I put all the faith and hope of my life on your death. I trust in what I cannot see. I hope in what I cannot understand, but my heart sings of the Lord's goodness.

My heart and my flesh may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73: 26